Fav Tommy Cooper joke
Went to the doctor and said "every-time I lift my arm up and down it hurts"
Doctor says "Well don't do it then"
My favourite of his is:
I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'.
I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'.
He said 'How can I help?'.
I said 'Break my arms!'
Of course, now it gives me the excuse to add these:
I bumped into an old friend the other day.
He's got poor eyesight as well!
A man walked into the doctors,
The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "
The man replied "I know I've been ill"
And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'.
I said 'Why not?'.
He said 'We don't give him any'
This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress.
He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot.
He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away.
Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by.
When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him.
It was a different elephant.
