Hi, I'd like to complain about one of your couriers who it appears has a taste for fiction.
He reported yesterday that a delivery was "refused", now to be perfectly honest I'm not always 100% there in the head but there's no way I'm going to refuse something I ordered, that'd just be silly.
I'll tell you what I think happened, now picture this (get a good mental image, to help you here's some character development; you're a van driver, probably overweight; mid-40s; suffering from a mild-severe personal hygiene issue; add to that you're a lying bastard); it's a Friday, on a bank holiday weekend and you only have to deliver one package in a certain part of your coverage area and it'll stop you from ending your shift early so you can go home; scratch your nuggets on the sofa and breath freely through your mouth whilst watching the horrible new catchphrase (what nutcase would remake catchphrase without Roy Walker, it's not good and it's not right) so you think "Fuck it", I'll just say the guy refused the delivery because he ordered a phone and not a box with a phone in it.
"Ooooo boy, I'd smash Mrs Chips' back doors in"
Thanks for being as useful as tits on a bull, Tony