Topic: Struggling with depression

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I'm really sorry she was so horrible to you.

Irony is, I had a male friend share a similar story the other evening; had the highest moments of his life with her, and then she totally destroyed him when she left and continues to be a bitch.  Ultimately you have to realize that the person she was chooses not to exist anymore, or at least not with you. You need to cut ties, be thankful for the good times and then let the horribly insensitive individual she's become go. You deserve better.

Couldn't have said it better myself!

[jackh]

Anybody who's visited a GP to discuss issues about their personal happiness or other related issues, how have you opened discussion?

Every now and again I go through I period where I do wonder whether I need to speak to somebody and I feel like, during the last day or two, I've reached a point where it's become a sooner-or-later inevitability.

I don't know how to approach the topic once I get there though - although I overheard somebody having a conversation either mildly criticising or showing concern for me yesterday, I do feel as though I come across as quite cheerful and open in general.

There's plenty of things that I get pleasure from (I enjoyed a concert last night, play football regularly, ride the highs and the lows of this bloody club, have been seeing someone recently which seems to be going great, head home to see my family every few weeks having recently moved away again, have a beer at the weekend, normal stuff...) but I tend to feel like there's this cloud over me where I never quite let myself go and really enjoy these things whilst also failing to apply myself to some of the things that I need to (i.e. work, education).

It bothers me that that just sounds like 'well you enjoy the good fun stuff but are too lazy for the things that you have to work for' but, that being the case or not, it's not how I want things to be - I want to succeed in the projects I've got on at the moment because it all went arse-over a couple of years ago for one reason or another and, having taken a couple of years back home to sort myself out and get myself back into a position where I can make the most of the opportunities available, the last thing I want to do is waste it again.  There were other issues the first time round and they were clear enough in my head to appreciate that, though I'd cocked up, I knew what I had to do to fix that.  This time around, I just seem to be watching things unravel - as I've said, absolutely not what I want but I just feel there's something blocking me from applying myself in the manner in which I want to and should be doing.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to turn up and say "Against my will, I'm blowing an opportunity I've got whilst seeming to balance everything else precariously - I can see there are some issues and can roughly thread them together and see links but, if that's the case, why do I still feel as though there's a problem?"



----

With regard to where I've mentioned thinking about needing a good talk every now and again, that's not a recent thing whilst seeing things start to go wrong in this one aspect again, it's been something I've thought for about 8 years probably.  Always been a bit self-conscious - not in an embarrassed, there's something that people think's wrong with me way, just a sort of self-awareness/critical, over-analysis, way...like I said, I've always been quite friendly and open on the outside but never really get properly involved to an extent that  I feel properly involved in a situation - socially, I've always sort of been a jack-of-all-trades, master-of-none type - outside of lots of different groups but always the forgettable one on the periphery.  If I have gotten involved, I've tended to burn myself for it afterwards...I've no idea why.  Guess I've felt more comfortable having close relationships with few than reasonable ones with many?

Don't quite know what I'm waffling about now, either - just troubleshooting.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Jackh: A very good mate of mine was in a similar situation years back and he went to see a personal coach who really helped him straighten things up. What that coach did I don't know but what I do know is that my mate is now married, 2 kids and a good managing job in an electronics wholesaler. Perhaps a good idea for you??

[adopted_scouser]

I'm really sorry she was so horrible to you.

Irony is, I had a male friend share a similar story the other evening; had the highest moments of his life with her, and then she totally destroyed him when she left and continues to be a bitch.  Ultimately you have to realize that the person she was chooses not to exist anymore, or at least not with you. You need to cut ties, be thankful for the good times and then let the horribly insensitive individual she's become go. You deserve better.

Very true mate.  In all honesty, I think it is HER that has the issues with getting over me.  All my mates reckon she'll come crawling back in a couple of months, to which I will get great satisfaction from saying "No."  Everyone on here is right, she is bonkers.  She wasn't when we were together as such, but she's just not the same person anymore.

[And Could He Play]

but will you say no if she asks you back? i told myself i would and i took mine back, made things a million times worse, you can never go back. anyway good days bad days, today is a bad one, pissed off to death and dont actually know why.

[Grushko]

but will you say no if she asks you back? i told myself i would and i took mine back, made things a million times worse, you can never go back. anyway good days bad days, today is a bad one, pissed off to death and dont actually know why.

You have made the right decision though mate. As time will pass the bad days will be outnumbered by the good one's. And when you don't get bothered by them 'odd, weird feeling' days then you will know that you have come out of the shit and can move on with your life.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

It bothers me that that just sounds like 'well you enjoy the good fun stuff but are too lazy for the things that you have to work for' but, that being the case or not, it's not how I want things to be - I want to succeed in the projects I've got on at the moment because it all went arse-over a couple of years ago for one reason or another and, having taken a couple of years back home to sort myself out and get myself back into a position where I can make the most of the opportunities available, the last thing I want to do is waste it again.  There were other issues the first time round and they were clear enough in my head to appreciate that, though I'd cocked up, I knew what I had to do to fix that.  This time around, I just seem to be watching things unravel - as I've said, absolutely not what I want but I just feel there's something blocking me from applying myself in the manner in which I want to and should be doing.

I just don't know how I'm supposed to turn up and say "Against my will, I'm blowing an opportunity I've got whilst seeming to balance everything else precariously - I can see there are some issues and can roughly thread them together and see links but, if that's the case, why do I still feel as though there's a problem?"

Do you enjoy doing your 'work' though? Most of the things you mention apply to anyone who has to slog through their job, as opposed to deriving a sense of fulfillment from it. Even if you don't enjoy it as much, sometimes, depending on your position in life, there is no other way but to persist through. As if you fail, it means starting over from a lower position. Every time. You have to create your own 'atmosphere' / enjoyment at certain stretches. Anyway, you would know better than me if the job's the cause of the inertia.

 If I have gotten involved, I've tended to burn myself for it afterwards...I've no idea why.  Guess I've felt more comfortable having close relationships with few than reasonable ones with many?

That's wisdom. Fuck reasonable relationships off in the list of things that matter. They're good for contacts when you need something done and vice versa. I dunno, the more I see, the more I get the sense that there are very few people in the this world who can say they have a meaningful link with anyone, whether parent, lover, child or friend etc. To me, if you can have two of those, that's a life well lived.

[Jokerman]

Jesus.  Well, me and the ex agreed to be friends, she knows about my depression, and said that she'd always be there for me if I needed her, as a friend.  She also suffers from depression, so we could kind of relate to one another.  Was just speaking to her then, about how down I was, and she replies with "To be honest, I don't give a shit about your pathetic life.  This is why I left you, you're pathetic, stupid, and just a knobhead of a guy."  Then started going on about how mcuh she needed a guy more "her level" and that I was just too low down the food chain for her.  She is seeing someone now, and says that he is much more her level, her class (I thought class had something to do with us breaking up, but she denied it.) He is a big, fat, ugly, sweaty, spotty creature of a man.  She said she left me because the feelings had gone, nothing more, I had come to accept that.  I was past the stage of wanting her back and all that, I still cared about her a hell of alot, maybe even still loved her, but I didn't want to be in a relationship with her.  Going to stay at a mates back in Carlisle next week, do an intense job search, spend more time with my mates, and just have a general change of scenery.

That all sounds so very familiar to me. I think the change of scenery will definitely help you.

[jackh]

That's wisdom. Fuck reasonable relationships off in the list of things that matter. They're good for contacts when you need something done and vice versa. I dunno, the more I see, the more I get the sense that there are very few people in the this world who can say they have a meaningful link with anyone, whether parent, lover, child or friend etc. To me, if you can have two of those, that's a life well lived.

Sounds right on from someone else 

[lainey]

Jackh - if you think you need to see your doctor to talk then make an appointment and see him
tell him how you feel sometimes/most of the time.  if you're depressed tell him, (I left it and left it and in the end I went in and burst into tears and nothing coherent came out of my mouth)

on the other thing about wanting to achieve things (this this is what you meant) try and look into what you'd like to do or do something, a little thing, each day/week to get you there.  Don't make lists imo as i think you tend to not tick things off and then feelings of failure come back again - one step at a time

and good luck

if that wass't what you were on about then ignore me

[adopted_scouser]

Just asked the ex if she wants anything to do with me in her life, so that I can move on and accept it, she said no, which was expected, so I replied with...

"ok, well i'm sorry that you think that.  if you ever need me, you still have my number and that, although you have probably deleted it.  i hope shrek treats you like crap, cos it's the only way you're probably ever going to be happy.  bye"

Feels like I've just lifted a big back pack off my shoulder.  There's some things that I like in the backpack, that I miss, but it was mostly just full of rocks, and a big burden...

[Baz1LFC]

Let go mate. Don't show any sign of weakness to her after a while she will text you. Guaranteed !!! By that time you will have a new lady on your arm and things will seme much brighter . Iv been where you have I didn't contact the ex for for a few months and low and behold she came running back but by this I was long gone. Hope it all works out for you it will be the best decision you have ever made.

[And Could He Play]

cant believe how similar are lives are with ex birds mate

[Baz1LFC]

You can never ever go back to an ex. Shes an ex for a reason you just argue about the same old shit and more. Old wounds open up old emotions come back just let the bitch go.

[adopted_scouser]

cant believe how similar are lives are with ex birds mate

It's not the same girl is it?

All our mutual friends say she will come running back too, but as people on here have said, that girl is gone now, she's not the same person, and the person that she is now, I really don't need in my life.  Just a shame that she's one of the few lookers I've been with, but her bitchy personality definitely outweights her looks...

[Delicious]

Just asked the ex if she wants anything to do with me in her life, so that I can move on and accept it, she said no, which was expected, so I replied with...

"ok, well i'm sorry that you think that.  if you ever need me, you still have my number and that, although you have probably deleted it.  i hope shrek treats you like crap, cos it's the only way you're probably ever going to be happy.  bye"

Feels like I've just lifted a big back pack off my shoulder.  There's some things that I like in the backpack, that I miss, but it was mostly just full of rocks, and a big burden...

Good move!

And you're not missing "her", you're feeling those good times and mistakening attaching them to who she is now. Who she is now doesn't deserve you.

[Sir Harvest Fields]

ive been doing on this thread what seems many do on the alcohol thread. sit back and read.

Doctors are used to it. just blurt it all out. thats what i did. he was great about it. i thought id get crap about manning up, or a pathetic look and a sigh whilst he justs prescribes some crap, but he was really good. just say it mate. dont leave it though.


ok im off to lurking again.

[Delicious]

ive been doing on this thread what seems many do on the alcohol thread. sit back and read.

Doctors are used to it. just blurt it all out. thats what i did. he was great about it. i thought id get crap about manning up, or a pathetic look and a sigh whilst he justs prescribes some crap, but he was really good. just say it mate. dont leave it though.


ok im off to lurking again.

This is truth. They're trained professionals, they're there to help you, not judge you.

I must stress that my friend who went through this had great success in seeking out a professional therapist.  They've worked in depth together to find out what has made the attacks happen, worked to find just the right level of medication and more. There is help out there, don't be afraid to take a chance.

[Lady_brandybuck]

Right now my life is also pretty much fucked up.

There are many fights in my house and everyone also fights with me. So I have to act as a referee and also take the blame. I just want this to end soon! It makes me feel awful and disappointed about my family and myself, which happens in about 23 out of the 24 hours of the day.

There goes my little rant.

[soxfan]

Alright lads/ladies. Just posting here to see what you think of my situation.

For the past few years, I've gone through somewhat regular episodes of misery and sadness. Nothing I've ever really been able to explain. These episodes can be triggered by the slightest of things, whether it's something at work, or something as simple as Sunday nights, or even reminiscing to myself. These episodes just make me miserable, they make me mope round the house, sit in my room feeling awful and just generally disinterested in life. Depending on the magnitude of them, I'll sometimes just listen to music and try to get through it, other times I can cry and tell myself that I'd be better off dead. It varies. I don't always feel like that, sometimes it's a weekly occurence, sometimes I can go a few weeks without an episode. Like I said, it varies, but when I do spark one, it feels impossible to get out of the slump.

I lack motivation in anything I do. Especially work, in fact, I'd go as for as to say that I'm completely uninterested in my job and that if I was sacked, I wouldn't care.

I always want to go back in my life. For years, I've wanted to go back to a certain part of my life. I've always wanted to "go back". In 2008, I wanted to go back 8 or 9 years. Now, however, I'd settle for 2008 or 2009. It feels like my life is gradually unwinding, becoming less and less fulfilling by the day.

I can't commit to much. I start a new hobby and I'm uninterested in it within a couple of weeks. I lost interest in the latter years of school, which led to fairly poor grades. I didn't bother even going into college half the time. Messed that up too. Got a job after that and I can't stand it, every day I go in and do everything I can to scrape through the day, doing as little as I can. Never in my life have I woke up in the morning and look forward to the day ahead at work.

I used to believe it was loneliness, but I've got good friends now and I still get miserable somewhat reguarly. Have felt kind of... broken, and a little lost, for a long time now.

Never really thought I was depressed. Checked websites on it before and the symptoms never matched completely... I don't know though.

Sorry if I rambled on. Just didn't know how else to say it all.

Hi Alonso. I've suffered through some of what you have, perhaps not quite as deep, but I've discovered what does help me. Unfortunately, I often stray from what I know I need to do to right myself. But when I stick to a plan when I wake up, I often have a good day and gain some happiness and stress relief.

Basically what I've done is created a template to follow each day. I try to get up at 5am, then after breakfast and getting dressed etc, I immediately try to spend 60-90 minutes on that one important thing which is stressing me or that I know is important.  Then by 9am or so I'm usually rolling along and enthused to pick off the next important 2 or 3 things by early afternoon. The biggest curse I have is websurfing (like right now ). If I stay away from that until 8pm or so, and then go to bed at 10pm or 1030pm, I have productive happy days. This is the big key: you need to find out what you REALLY want to do in life, what would give you the best sense of accomplishment, and something that you are naturally better than most people at.  If you can figure that out, and then do something every day to reach that goal, you'll find yourself happier and have days with meaning.

I'm not sitting here bragging. I struggle a lot with this (like today, to be truthful). I am still trying to break bad habits and create new ones, and it's frustratingly difficult for me. But I have at least reached a point where I do know what can work for me. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to get myself in a rhythm and put some good days in a row together to gain confidence and momentum. You're one step behind me it seems - you need to make the plan that fits you first. 

Take an hour or so and go to this page. What makes you really happy? Figure it out: http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/life-on-purpose-15-questions-to-discover-your-personal-mission/

And this is a really good site: http://zenhabits.net/archives/

This one too: http://www.rockyourday.com/

This guy's trying to sell you something, but his articles linked here make you think: http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com/3657/why-people-struggle-to-get-what-they-want/

Forget yesterday -- it's gone, you can't change it. Just try to have a good day today - that's something you CAN control.  And always remember, YOU are the boss of your life, no one else - not a girlfriend, not a guy at work, not a family member. You need to figure out what will give you long-term happiness, and then point your life in that direction. YOU CAN DO IT!

Good luck to you my friend. 

[Buzz Killington]

Alright lads/ladies. Just posting here to see what you think of my situation.
I lack motivation in anything I do. Especially work, in fact, I'd go as for as to say that I'm completely uninterested in my job and that if I was sacked, I wouldn't care.
I can't commit to much. I start a new hobby and I'm uninterested in it within a couple of weeks. I lost interest in the latter years of school, which led to fairly poor grades. I didn't bother even going into college half the time. Messed that up too. Got a job after that and I can't stand it, every day I go in and do everything I can to scrape through the day, doing as little as I can.

Feel exactly the same

[Alonso]

Feel exactly the same

Shite, isn't it?

[Myshkin]

I've had the same Alonso, since about 2002/3. Some of the stuff you wrote (and what Suso quoted) is exactly like me, episodes triggered by random/tiny things, can't commit to stuff and find new hobbies then lose interest, wanting to go back and re-do things, trying to find a sense of fulfilment etc.

I was in a bit of a slump a few days ago but getting better now, I tried to think of what caused it and could only come up with me being ill with a cold and taking Ibuprofen, I even looked up if Ibuprofen can cause depression haha and apparently it sometimes can.

But back on point, I feel exactly the same as you sometimes and don't know how to stop it, I guess doing/getting something I really want & having a sense of fulfilment would help but it's hard to do that when you've never known what you really want to do in life haha.

I thought I was alone in the hobby/losing interest thing though, every few weeks I really get into something, sometimes even so into it I could see myself wanting to do this as a career etc, then get bored and find something else to pass the time, and sometimes I have nothing to do which can trigger the depression sometimes.

It's probably a case of unbalanced chemicals in the brain/body (which everyone in the world probably gets) coupled with how I feel about myself and my life, I can only really control the latter, so improving that situation would help but it's hard to do when I'm indecisive/indifferent about it all haha.

Just know you're not alone brotherrrrrrrrr!

[Chakan]

Exactly the same, the lack of life fulfillment at the moment is draining. Specially since I have moved to a new country and struggle to make friends. I am fine with being alone though. But the motivation to change it is lacking. I don't really go out much and dating apparently is a weak point for me. My job is something I can do but don't enjoy. Then again I don't think I will ever find a job that I enjoy, as my options are limited and I think any job that starts out as a hobby first i will come to resent.

I keep talking to my friends overseas and we keep making all these plans and it finally ends with "Is this all there is to life?" I get up every weekday go to work, do my shopping come home cook eat and basically go through the motions. Occasionally I will have a break in the monotony, a date , a movie out , a dinner out. But it doesn't last.

I used to enjoy things with friends climbing going out and whatnot, but since I have moved and my friends are limited (through a fault of my own and general lack of enthusiasm to make any more) I find myself spending a lot of time contemplating what I am doing .... is it worth it carrying on this way? Would a life change do anything for me at this point or do I just try to change what I am doing.

I don't know. I suppose it's a start that I know what the problem is , do I have the motivation or inclination to even bother to change it? I've tried before to just change my way of thinking but I revert back to my old self months later. I too find a hobby and then after a month or 2 lose interest. I have a gym account I don't use but still pay for. I have a climbing subscription I still pay for but don't use. What's the point? I don't know.... I try to break the habit of getting into these dark moods.

I guess just some days I can't be arsed to do anything. Like today. Just can't be arsed.  Wake up, drink coffee, go to work, do something, go home, going through the motions. I guess it also comes down to missing people who understand me. I lack that in my life these days, physically as in right here. I can email people I can talk to people on the internet, but sitting down and watching a movie with someone who "Gets" you , going out for a drink with someone who understands you, meeting people not just with the same interests but the same mind set , it's a gaping hole in my life. I know where it is , and it's 11,000km across the ocean. But will life be much different there if I move back? Will I get a job to support myself?

Lots of questions.... no answers. And I right now I can't be arsed to even try and figure it out.

[bleedsred1978]

Hi Alonso. I've suffered through some of what you have, perhaps not quite as deep, but I've discovered what does help me. Unfortunately, I often stray from what I know I need to do to right myself. But when I stick to a plan when I wake up, I often have a good day and gain some happiness and stress relief.

Basically what I've done is created a template to follow each day. I try to get up at 5am, then after breakfast and getting dressed etc, I immediately try to spend 60-90 minutes on that one important thing which is stressing me or that I know is important.  Then by 9am or so I'm usually rolling along and enthused to pick off the next important 2 or 3 things by early afternoon. The biggest curse I have is websurfing (like right now ). If I stay away from that until 8pm or so, and then go to bed at 10pm or 1030pm, I have productive happy days. This is the big key: you need to find out what you REALLY want to do in life, what would give you the best sense of accomplishment, and something that you are naturally better than most people at.  If you can figure that out, and then do something every day to reach that goal, you'll find yourself happier and have days with meaning.

I'm not sitting here bragging. I struggle a lot with this (like today, to be truthful). I am still trying to break bad habits and create new ones, and it's frustratingly difficult for me. But I have at least reached a point where I do know what can work for me. I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. I just need to get myself in a rhythm and put some good days in a row together to gain confidence and momentum. You're one step behind me it seems - you need to make the plan that fits you first. 

Take an hour or so and go to this page. What makes you really happy? Figure it out: http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/life-on-purpose-15-questions-to-discover-your-personal-mission/

And this is a really good site: http://zenhabits.net/archives/

This one too: http://www.rockyourday.com/

This guy's trying to sell you something, but his articles linked here make you think: http://www.entrepreneurs-journey.com/3657/why-people-struggle-to-get-what-they-want/

Forget yesterday -- it's gone, you can't change it. Just try to have a good day today - that's something you CAN control.  And always remember, YOU are the boss of your life, no one else - not a girlfriend, not a guy at work, not a family member. You need to figure out what will give you long-term happiness, and then point your life in that direction. YOU CAN DO IT!

Good luck to you my friend. 

Hey Sox-Fan,

That's some great advice there.

I know you wont mind me taking a bit of that myself.

[And Could He Play]

having a real bad day today, just feeling really down. had to get that off my chest.

[Borninbethlehem]

I've been struggling with anxiety/depression for a few years now, but haven't really addressed it. I am now thinking of going to the doctors to see what help there is.

I'm a bit of a worrier, which sets off the anxiety. It is usually in the mornings that I feel worse. I wake up in a very low mood which is not a good way to start off the day. When I worry I struggle to eat and thus lose weight. It sucks, so I am finally going to try and get some help because it could be something like a chemical imbalance which is something you can't control. Everyone who has suffered from depression/anxiety always says to don't suffer in silence and get help, so I am going to take that advice.

[Buzz Killington]

Shite, isn't it?

Yeah it sucks.

You ever thought about going into a web designing job or something like that? Your photoshop skills are brilliant and it's obviously something you enjoy mate

[Myshkin]

Anyone ever get SAD/the winter blues? Can't wait for Spring already haha. The dark and the cold are depressing, and Wagner getting voted off The X Factor doesn't help.

[evie]

having a really bad evening. had a great day out with a friend today but suddenly she (without knowing) reminded me of a very bad time in my life when someone treated me horribly. can't get that out of my mind. i didnt know until today that it actually still hurts. i feel useless, i don't wanna go to work tomorrow, I wanna call in sick but it's all against my morals. I have so much anger inside and i dont get any opportunities to let it all out. went to see a doc a couple of weeks ago because of other health issues and we got to discussing my anxiety/depression. i really feel that i need to speak with a professional about my (many) issues, but i can't afford a private psychiatrist and the care centre said they would send a referral to their counsellor but have they? does it really take two weeks? or are they discussing if my case is "serious enough"?. I know they won't take on my case though. I guess you have to be suicidal first.

I fucking hate care centres. 

[bleedsred1978]

having a really bad evening. had a great day out with a friend today but suddenly she (without knowing) reminded me of a very bad time in my life when someone treated me horribly. can't get that out of my mind. i didnt know until today that it actually still hurts. i feel useless, i don't wanna go to work tomorrow, I wanna call in sick but it's all against my morals. I have so much anger inside and i dont get any opportunities to let it all out. went to see a doc a couple of weeks ago because of other health issues and we got to discussing my anxiety/depression. i really feel that i need to speak with a professional about my (many) issues, but i can't afford a private psychiatrist and the care centre said they would send a referral to their counsellor but have they? does it really take two weeks? or are they discussing if my case is "serious enough"?. I know they won't take on my case though. I guess you have to be suicidal first.

I fucking hate care centres. 

Sorry to here that.

If it didnt hurt all along then it means you were dealing well with what happened.

Be strong and try to get that demon back in its box.

Unless you want to get it off your chest that is?

[evie]

Sorry to here that.

If it didnt hurt all along then it means you were dealing well with what happened.

Be strong and try to get that demon back in its box.

Unless you want to get it off your chest that is?

All I can say is that I'm confused as fuck. Some days I really believe I'm going mental.

[bleedsred1978]

All I can say is that I'm confused as fuck. Some days I really believe I'm going mental.

What kind of mental?

Panic mental or angry mental?

[Delicious]

Anyone ever get SAD/the winter blues? Can't wait for Spring already haha. The dark and the cold are depressing, and Wagner getting voted off The X Factor doesn't help.

That sort of depression runs in my family, my Mom has it terribly.  We've found that taking vitamin D supplement's help quite a bit, as does changing out your light bulbs to the ones that are made for this disorder.

[bleedsred1978]

All I can say is that I'm confused as fuck. Some days I really believe I'm going mental.

Sorry Evie,

That was a stupid question I asked you.

Hope your feeling a bit better.

[bleedsred1978]

Anyone ever get SAD/the winter blues? Can't wait for Spring already haha. The dark and the cold are depressing, and Wagner getting voted off The X Factor doesn't help.

I think Autumn is a time of reflection for many people and with the dark evenings etc you have too much time to think about what you have done all year etc etc.

[rusty-la]

Anyone ever get SAD/the winter blues? Can't wait for Spring already haha. The dark and the cold are depressing, and Wagner getting voted off The X Factor doesn't help.

My sis in law suffers a bit of depression not helped by the dark mornings and evenings, anyway for Christmas my wife (her sister) just bought her a SAD lamp, you can buy them from 30-40 quid (Boots flog em). I'm no expert and its not my type of thing but i'm told it works for lots of people. Tells you more about it here:

http://www.sad.co.uk/

Trust that helps, cheer up you miserable git 

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

My sis in law suffers a bit of depression not helped by the dark mornings and evenings, anyway for Christmas my wife (her sister) just bought her a SAD lamp, you can buy them from 30-40 quid (Boots flog em). I'm no expert and its not my type of thing but i'm told it works for lots of people. Tells you more about it here:

http://www.sad.co.uk/

Trust that helps, cheer up you miserable git 

My wife suffers mildly from winter moods as well beacuse of the little daylight there is. We have 2 SAD lamps at home and i must admit even I can feel a difference when we have them lamps on and when we don't. It's an easy way of getting help and certainly a place to start.

Cheer up - there is a light!

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

You need a good woman.

Heads up Chakan. I know the feeling of being alone in a foreign country. I 'footballed' the pain away back then. They probably have a patch of grass named after me on an oval green in Kensington, Sydney.

You mention you would resent a job that grows out of a hobby. Why is that?

To a large extent, how the world in terms of people you have around you is your own creation. It is very, very possible to create a loner existense for yourself if you're not arsed about going out and meeting people, and which is what you yourself admit to doing. Some people prefer solitude to indulge their work, improve etc but the way you put it, you want people you can get along with, but right now you don't have the motivation to interact. It'll just remain that way mate for however long you leave it that way. There are plenty of good people in this world, but none of them are going to seek out a stranger to connect with although a few may notice and share a kindness.

Nobody can be joyful or find a purpose for you in terms of a profession / passion. I've seen people rot 10, 20, years away feeling empty, just going through the motions, just as you described and as I've known myself for a little while. It's the worst kind of death.

It's not so straigtforward finding a profession / passion that will last you a lifetime, but maybe you could find a person that you could build a life with and take it from there if you limited the RAWK drug intake to 30 minutes a day. That'll be my goal for the new year anyway.

All the best.

 

[Chakan]

Yeah I know I need a good woman. Trust me I am working on it.

I also know I am to an extent socially inept. I get along fantastically with people I know. But those are people I have grown up with , and have something in common with. Here in the states it's American Football, which I get bored watching, Baseball which I tried to watch and fell asleep and Basketball, which can be entertaining for about 20 minutes. Hardly anyone here in the carolinas watches footie. So to find a place to go with someone interested in the sport is hard doing.

To the hobby part , i don't have any evidence I just think if I start doing something as a hobby, take scuba diving for instance, I love it , and have considered doing it as a job, but then thinking further the reason I like scuba diving is cause "I" get to do stuff, now if I had to worry say about other people while I am scuba diving it would detract from my experience and I figure I would come to resent taking my hobby and turning it into a job. Just my thinking. Who knows.

The problem right now is motivation. I know what my problem is , it's just making it happen.I've always struggled in the "making friends" part of life. Just way harder for me to do in a country I haven't grown up in.

Anyway I have been going on a few dates with this one girl so hopefully that works out. Who knows.