Topic: Luis Suarez: I've found God

[Roady]

just in work and read this.Put a smile on my face.Superb post.Great read and absolutely spot on.Keep them coming,well written and thoroughly entertaining. 

[SpartanTree. No deccies or lights.]

Fantastic post - well done sir & thanks for sharing.


Honorable mention to Uruguayan36 too.

p.s. - my favourite bit :
I give to you Luis Suarez: a man who doesn't just kick away the pedestal, he's a man who sets fire to it and puts out the blaze with his own victorious piss. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

The bit about Enrique was both amusing & disturbing....

[Oh Caption! My Caption!]

Is this the new Luis Suarez topic or is it just a topic to post about how good the op was... [genuine question, not being sarcy, thought I should add that as its hard to tell on the internet]

[BreakfastPercy]

Wow thanks lot for nice words everyone. Lost internet after I put it up so you could have been tearing me a new one. Bowled over!

[Trada]

Wow thanks lot for nice words everyone. Lost internet after I put it up so you could have been tearing me a new one. Bowled over!

It can only go down hill from here.   

[didi]

thank you for a wonderful read, sums Luis up for me, the comparison with Robbie is spot on, just never thought of it till now

[Andy_lfc]

Ace!

I fucking love Luis Suarez!

[7777]

Wow thanks lot for nice words everyone. Lost internet after I put it up so you could have been tearing me a new one. Bowled over!

Was brilliant mate, really good read that had me smiling all the way through

I have often thought back to the reception Suarez got when he left Ajax. I've never seen anything like it before and I remember thinking at the time 'fuck me they love him, we must be getting some player'

But really, only now do I really 'get' why and how much. He sort of leaves that impression on you. It's not just ability, it's everything about him

You summed him up perfectly

[Pip]

p.s. - my favourite bit :
I give to you Luis Suarez: a man who doesn't just kick away the pedestal, he's a man who sets fire to it and puts out the blaze with his own victorious piss. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

That's a brilliant quote that haha.

[7777]

It would be brilliant if someone could translate it and send it to him or via Lucas, I'm sure he would appreciate it and Enrique might get some stick for being more than a little bit strange 

[HighFocused]

  Billionaires wank sock, sounds about right.

Brilliant stuff, thank fuck Luis is on our side.

[Mr Boat]

Very nice.

Some get it on Twitter.

[karljd]

Brilliant 

[planet-terror]

Brilliant post.Spot on.

[slaphead]

Hannibal Lecter could give the Nevilles' midwife nightmares in that mask,

That's brilliant that
I haven't laughed at a Neville related remark since Liam Gallagher said Gary Neville looked like an Estate Agent
Fantastic read my friend the words are really strung together well there. Its better the second read and all
Sums up excellently the journey Suarez has been on over here and it is so refreshing to see him sticking a big fuck you finger up at everyone who sat round a table no doubt in Fergusons office making a pact to drive him out of our game
He's a fighter and a winner, a pain in the arse and a fucking genius - cant ask for anything more than that can you

[trenchtownrasta]

Excellent. I hope he stays for long enough to forge legendary status.

[telekon]

It would be brilliant if someone could translate it and send it to him or via Lucas, I'm sure he would appreciate it and Enrique might get some stick for being more than a little bit strange 

That would take some translator as there's quite a few jokes on wordplay, cultural analogies, and more or less obscure references.

[Joe_Singh]

Brilliant Writing that.

[Flinstone]

ha ha epic stuff man

[Red Eyed]

This is genius.

[garcia-alonso]

Yes, brilliant piece.
In fact it's quite astonishingly brilliant! Concise, clever and funny but not in the least bit trite. Thanks for writing it BP.

[garcia-alonso]

PS I just had a go at translating it into Spanish and then I got to 'Billionaire's wank sock' and had to admit defeat.

[stonty]

Great read that , thanks

[mtred1984]

Brilliant post that really enjoyed it.

Such is the admiration for luis and what he stands for as a footballer and person, I like thousands of others of reds where worried about the rumors of city coming in with a bid. With our owners, I honestly think that if it did, they would seriously consider it and get rid as for me there all about profits and moneyball. If he went this transfer window, or the summer, id seriously start questioning my support for the club.

I just hope BR and luis mean what they say. Id be heartbroken if he went

[Passmaster Molby]

Great opening post - Luis is a shining light this season, and as long as we have him we will always have a chance.

[Aristotle]

Show off

[keyop]

The apologist Premier League currently finds itself in the precarious position of the wide-eyed Big Game Hunter who, having just missed the onrushing beast with his last poison dart, quietly evacuates into his own pants. The gnashing teeth and guttural roars as Luis Suarez hurtles towards them is what will now be their last rites. Are you happy now David Moyes? How about you Mr Ferguson?

Love this bit.     Fantastic post

It should have all been so different. An eight match ban for racism was supposed to be the silver bullet.

And this bit really shows how far he has come - his career was potentially in ruins at that point, but to have responded the way he has just shows what a top, top player and character Suarez is. So glad he's ours.

[Red Genius]

Deserves a bump.... and a fixture in the some quality/important posts you may have missed thread - IMO.

Great writing.

[Marko B]

So what you're saying is that England need to build their team around Joey Barton then, right?

Great read too, by the way.

[BreakfastPercy]

So what you're saying is that England need to build their team around Joey Barton then, right?

Great read too, by the way.

Ha I'm not sure Joey's ability matches his temperament, though some of his chutzpah wouldn't hurt. I've always thought that it was easier for him to bemoan a bad reputation than really put himself out there. And even with Barton there's something of the commercial about his 'philosophical' quotes and all that premeditated, complex character bollocks: sword in one hand; pen in the other. I think with Suarez it's the fact that, in a sport where everyone and everything is trying to sell you something, he's not conceited at all. Sometimes his will to win is a case of the tail wagging the dog, and he does unsavory/reckless things, but at no point do you feel he's shortchanging you or having you on. Suarez makes you forget you're a consumer, and I guess that's always been the escapist lure of football. The contrasting light and shade of Suarez is a great narrative for a football match, I don't think Joey has enough light!

[Prelude no.5]

I've only just seen this but I want to echo a number of posts by saying that this read was one of most enjoyable.

Thank you.

[ricen]

nobody fucks with the jesus

[Uruguayan36]

If you read any of my waffle without signing the petition for Kevin's inquest I will hunt you down and end you.

Otherwise, please be gentle.


There's a certain honesty that comes from mischief. We don't trust the pristine. Cristiano Ronaldo is handsome, talented, dedicated, and above all unloved. Mario Balotelli gets more adoration than an Everton loan signing. We like our angels to have dirty faces because it makes them all the more accessible; it kicks away the pedestal. What happens if you take that to its farthest reaches? Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you Luis Suarez: a man who doesn't just kick away the pedestal, he's a man who sets fire to it and puts out the blaze with his own victorious piss. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

By demonstrating the raw determination of a born Kopite, Liverpool's little Uruguayan has not only given his fans the chance to live vicariously through him, he's also united opposition supporters in hatred. It's given Liverpool fans a flag round which to rally. So, thanks for that: we needed it. And it's a proper flag at that, not one of those placcy ones the cockneys use to plug the gaping emptiness that comes from being a Billionaire's wank sock. It's like family: nothing gets a warring family together like an outside threat. 'Nobody calls my brother an arsehole but me!'

And so Luis Suarez has fought off everything from Gollum's meanest stare to Ferguson's bottle-bank. The apologist Premier League currently finds itself in the precarious position of the wide-eyed Big Game Hunter who, having just missed the onrushing beast with his last poison dart, quietly evacuates into his own pants. The gnashing teeth and guttural roars as Luis Suarez hurtles towards them is what will now be their last rites. Are you happy now David Moyes? How about you Mr Ferguson?

Suarez is a lesson in the dangers of building man into monster. Hannibal Lecter could give the Nevilles' midwife nightmares in that mask, but stick a pink bow on him and all you have is 'The Silence of Bo Peep'. Here the Premier League has a beast at least partly of their own making, through continued and overt demonization. They say 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', and Luis Suarez has faced hook, crook and book in England. But Luis isn't just alive, he's mutated into something more dangerous: Frankenstein's monster; a Uruguayan Werewolf in Liverpool; the big 'FUCK YOU!'

It should have all been so different. An eight match ban for racism was supposed to be the silver bullet. Above and beyond games missed, I remember claims that the incident highlighted 'the very worst of football Tribalism'. One man's ban apparently became the battle between good and evil. And so, watching England flap to a 4-2 defeat against Sweden, I thought of the delicious irony of how someone like Suarez could restore England's International lustre! How England could do with their own Pantomime Villain to add some umph.

International football in this country was already circling the toilet bowl by the time Michael Owen sold his soul to 'Ingerlund', so it's not just Liverpool fans who became increasingly unlikely to put up the St George bunting. National pride is the stuff of Churchill, of missed penalties and Gazza's tears, not midweek jaunts to give every man and his cat an England Cap in 'Meaningless Friendly 502'. When 'El Pistolero' was pilloried in the English media- and football in general- for being a 'racist', his Uruguyan countrymen closed ranks and stood shoulder to shoulder with him. When Suarez was accused of being a 'diver' by FIFA Vice-President Jim Boyce, the Uruguayan FA wrote to FIFA in a manner that can only be described as designed to make sphincters quiver. A big fuck-off handbook on how to rehabilitate the cowardly Three Lions lives and breaths in the never-say-die attitude of Luis Suarez, and yet still we form disorderly queues to feast on the entrails of our sportsmen.

England doesn't have a loveable rogue. They have a few wrong 'uns no doubt, but they're either vacuous to the point of inane or just a nasty shade of Nouveau Riche. Liverpool, however, have their first, properly mischievous little Git since Robbie Fowler was seen sniffing his way down the touchline. England never really appreciated Robbie, so there's no surprise that Suarez fails to fit the template too, and it remains to be seen what heights Suarez will soar to. How long he will stay? Part of the drama is watching a clinical trial unfold in front of us, because never before have the effects of playing every game like its your last been tested on the meager chassis of the human body. Can he last? Most players have either the talent or the attitude, Luis has an equal abundance of both. To watch Suarez is to watch inspiration grapple with perspiration like a freshly tweezed Jose Enrique in a cage match with his own sexuality.

We hope there's a good few chapters left to be written, but for now Liverpool have that cheeky goalscoring forward, around which all of the best hand-me-down stories are written. Journalists are surveying their broken greenhouses and politely asking if Luis can return stones to sender. What's great about this fella is that despite all the other bullshit in football, he makes sure there's no danger of Liverpool fans falling out of love with the game any time soon. No matter how hard the sky was falling, you'd never stop watching Robbie Fowler's Liverpool. And likewise, no matter how up the tits are, you'll never stop watching Luis Suarez' Liverpool. 'Drive fans away' my fucking arse! He has you so far off your seat you could get on the end of a Stoke through ball. Robbie Fowler will always be God, and he'll always be my hero, but -and I know pain may well follow- I think I'll tentatively announce his successor.

All Uruguay is waiting for you to announce Fowler's Succesor after the game against Swansea

[Twelfth Man]

Haha nice read that BreakfastPercy. He's a bit special isn't he? Apt comparison with the Robbie the mischevious rogue.

[Malaysian Kopite]

[Cooper-Man]

What an amazing post. Well written.

[skerriesred]

Best post I've read here in ages.
Can't wait for the game today, this has me fired up!

Thanks.

[royhendo]

Should be on the front page this.

[Fat Scouser]

Percy lad, you're brilliant. I presume you wrote this before Enrique's ear needed a sock of it's own. Brilliant stuff, befitting of the loon that is Luis. Well done, Sir.

[BreakfastPercy]

Percy lad, you're brilliant. I presume you wrote this before Enrique's ear needed a sock of it's own. Brilliant stuff, befitting of the loon that is Luis. Well done, Sir.

Thanks matey, yep this was no.1 & Enrique no.2.