The APLT weekend preview is here.
With the nonsense of the international break now behind us, and with nothing of any interest having happened in football over the last two weeks as a consequence, we're all desperate for some football as the nascent Premier League season gets back on track.
And what a feast the APLT serves up this weekend.
First off, Cheeky Champions Chelsea chase chances to choke the chaos that has characterised their charge to the championship this season. The Russian crime-ring laundry service visit Everton in a par 1 game without the services of their talismanic keeper Courtois.
The Toffees have started solidly this season, and much will be made of their decision to retain the services of John Stones, who will now be employed to keep his admirers off the score sheet. Chelsea have struggled in their fixtures so far, with just a solitary win away to West Brom. On form, Everton have this in the bag. Their only defeat has come against Manchester City, and they already look a more convincing outfit than the one that lost just five home games last season.
It's a big Par 1 for Chelsea, who will need to rediscover their usual form and make some progress back towards the 0 line of the APLT.
Chelsea win: CHE -2
Draw: CHE -4
Everton win: CHE -5
Arsenal entertain Stoke in a Par 3 game at the Emirates, with the Potters yet to win a game this season, despite boasting some serious quality options in attack, added to their traditionally miserly defence. The balance has yet to be struck, it seems, and with just five away wins under their belts last season, the Emirates looks an unlikely place for that to happen, despite Arsenal's own slow start and the Gunners will be looking for their first home win before their fans start the annual "should we sack Wenger" debate early.
Arsenal win: ARS -3
Draw: ARS -5
Stoke win: ARS -6
APLT leaders Manchester City, meanwhile, travel to Crystal Palace, hoping to preserve their 100% start to the campaign. It's first v second in the trad table, and conventional wisdom tells us Palace will only be moving in one direction from there. A credible top half finish for Palace last term saw them lose just six games on the road throughout last season, though, and coming off the back of a rare away victory at Stamford Bridge, Pardew's lads should not be overawed by the occasion in front of their own fans. It's a winnable Par 1 game on paper, but the APLT tells us City will do well to come away with the draw.
Manchester City win: MNC +6
Draw: MNC +4
Palace win: MNC +3
Southampton visit West Brom in a bid to claw back APLT respectability. It's the softest Par 1 on the fixture list, and the Saints will want very badly to improve on their -7 APLT points with a win. The Baggies were beaten on eight separate occasions at home last season, and have yet to win a home league match this term, although with Chelsea and Manchester City the only visitors so far, that may be less telling than it looks.
Southampton win: SOT -5
Draw: SOT -7
West Brom win: SOT -8
The biggest game of the weekend is in Manchester, where Liverpool make the short journey to visit fierce rivals Manchester United. There's little that hasn't already been said about this fixture, but Brendan Rodgers' team will be looking at the APLT table with a smile, knowing that this is a fragile Man United who could well be there for the taking. The Red Devils lost just three games at the Theatre of Tantrums last season, and while their last home appearance saw them grind out a draw with Newcastle, this is a different game entirely. Liverpool's bright start was cut short with a frustrating home loss to West Ham United before the break, and the reds will be hoping for a performance closer to that they gave against Arsenal. It's a par 1 for Liverpool, a par 3 for Man Utd, and Liverpool fans probably won't be content with the knowledge that they will remain above their horrible foes in the APLT regardless of the result, when a win could open a seven point gap.
Man Utd win: MNU -3 LFC -2
Draw: MNU -5 LFC -1
Liverpool win: MNU -6 LFC +1
And finally, bottom-lurking Spurs take the long road North to Sunderland on Sunday, like a bunch of rapists from King's Landing, sent off to take the black, join the Night's Watch and live short and violent lives of celibacy. (Harry Kane never looks like scoring again anyway.) At least the Wildlings of the SPL aren't expected to invade this weekend.
Tottenham's deficiencies have been much pored over in recent weeks, but it's always funny to do so again. The Spurs sit 16th in the trad table with successive draws against Leicester, Stoke and Everton in their last three league outings representing their only points of the campaign. The fact Sunderland could only win four games last season, and now occupy the bottom spot of the trad table should raise the hopes of Tottenham supporters, which is always funny later if they are dashed again cruely.
This, of course, is a Par 3 game, and if Spurs don't win it, harsh questions will certainly be asked on Match of the Day 2. Probably by Garth. He loves asking those hard questions. It gives him an excuse to wag his finger and try to sound ominous. And given his beloved Tottenham could end the weekend on -10 APLT points, he might well have a point for once. (Even if he is unlikely to make it in any coherent manner.)
Tottenham win: SPU -7
Draw: SPU -9
Sunderland win: SPU -10