Author Topic: The Woodentops from Woodison  (Read 5360 times)

Offline WOOLTONIAN

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The Woodentops from Woodison
« on: January 26, 2004, 10:38:28 am »
Following on from the recent nationwide poll where Manchester Utd were voted our biggest rivals, all I can say is ....

MY ARSE !!!!

Who else woke up this morning, the euphoria of the Cup win, planted well in the back of the memory banks, the rivalry with the "Woodentops" right at the forefront of your thinking? The Derby atmosphere will not start on Saturday, for most it will begin today.

Whether sitting in work or sitting at home, the battle commences today. My first waking thought today was to ring my bluenose cousin. And I will the second all my thoughts are composed. First of all I must try and guess every comment he's likely to raise. Then I'll compose a retort.

This is not a new thing it's been going on since we were 5. Usually it ends with one of us slamming the phone down. Sad considering we only ring each other twice a year, cup draws apart. There is only a matter of a few months between us in age; he is 47 (ugly bluenose old fart) and I'm a sprightly 46. We're like two kids we always have been. As I said we only speak twice a year, because neither of us will answer the phone after the game. Childish? Yes, but it's always been part of the derby build up.

I have absolutely no doubt that after lunch today the phone will start ringing with all the old reprobates looking for the usual fiver bet. Yes they will ask for the draw, they always do. Yes I will tell them to shove the draw where the sun don't shine as I always do. You see this is where we win from the outset - they have so little faith they NEED the draw to get anything out of it.

When Lynn comes home tonight, the first words out of her mouth will be "How Much"? The usual answer is not much more than twenty or thirty quid. Her comment?

"What sort of fan are yer, I've took FORTY!"

I swear over the last few years she's getting worse than me. Lynn started work this morning at 5.30am, she works with only four Woodentops, I would lay odds with anyone that by 5.55am she will have struck all the bets, had at least four rows and the day hasn't even started for most. Sitting here writing this I'm aching and itching for my first verbal battle of the day. It'll come, it always does.

How can anyone possibly compare this to playing the Mancs? Some of the Manc fans don't come out till 30 mins before kick off and most only turn up after the game in their replica tops "If they win". At least the bluenoses will fight their corner in any verbal banter that ensues today.

Just take a quick look around you now, there is bound to be a blue somewhere near you. Does he look up for it? Go and ask him does he want to start the debate now or does he need time to prepare all the usual bullshit. Expect a dig at Ged. Expect a dig if you've been seen to have your doubts this season. As each day passes this week the tension will rise. Each day some bitter will approach you with a snide comment. By the time Friday comes most of the debates will have finished, the nerves will have set in on both sides. You will avoid each others glances, it's too late now. You've got to rely on the lads on the pitch to do all the talking now.

For anyone who is going to their first ever derby, let me warn you. You are likely to lose a good stone in sweat. Your heart beat will increase by a minimum of 33%, not just when they get close to our area, but when they get the ball in their own half. Your love of the game and usual comments like, "good ball", "great save" "nice play", "play it wide" will all be there nestled in the back of your mind. The problem is it's a derby, your mouth knows it and takes control.

"Kick the fat Bastard" ... "Fuck off you bitter twats" ... "Yer fuckin' jokin ref" ... "Get him" ... "What the fuck? NUT HIM Jamie"

It's no wonder some of the clergy who go the game, think more than half the crowd have just been possessed by Beelzeebub himself. The only exorcism that works on these days are goals. And this is where the gay community thinks its luck has changed as we turn from Old Nick into Freddie Mercury and start huggin' and kissin' everyone within five yards. Whether you know them or not.

A goal in a derby game is celebrated at least FIVE times longer than any other. I bet the game has kicked back off long before you've finished and sat back down.

Are you happy after the goal? Yer avin' a laugh, even if you're THREE up in a derby, yer still panicking every time they get the ball.

Beelzeebub returns.

"How can you call that a foul? it wasn't even neck high" ... "Stick him in row 8 Sami" ... "Av 'im Stevie" ...  "Oh you dirty bunch of bastards"

All being well the whistle will go when we have at least one more goal than them. Feeling? Yer know when you've had a gallon of beer and you finally head to the stone in the bogs ...... aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Your head will be banging like the worst hangover in yer life, but ...... back off to the pub you go with all the mates. Some even get so drunk they phone the missus and say "fancy coming here love with all the lads"?

There are many responses to that question, far too many to list. But they are usually all negative. Can you blame her?

or, and it's the worst OR in the world ...

Will it be our turn to sit in the bedroom with no lights on. Or sit down stairs watchin the telly with the missus, with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp. If you've got a missus like mine, you'll look like twins. If she's not a footy fan, will she dare ask
Are we going out tonight? Or how long have I gotta look at that face?

And you know worse is yet to come .... Sunday all the bluenoses will be waiting for yer in the local. And even worse ... you've gotta go to work Monday (I bet Merseyside has a massive increase in sickies after a derby).

And you seriously wanna compare that with a 90 minute game against the Mancs? Yer avin' a fuckin' laugh mate!

© Wooltonian 2004

5 days to go and no control over me bowels already!
« Last Edit: January 27, 2004, 07:57:36 am by Rushian »
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Offline Bannside Red

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #1 on: January 26, 2004, 10:48:19 am »
Totally agree Karl, it was the first thing to enter my mind this morn.

At this stage I don't think the Bitters are looking forward to it as much as we are.

Bring it on.  ;)

Blue and White Shite....................

Offline WOOLTONIAN

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #2 on: January 26, 2004, 11:15:39 am »
Bannside

I'm itchin for a row so much, I'm thinking of getting on the shite forum.
I love derby week !
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Offline Col

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #3 on: January 26, 2004, 12:59:24 pm »
Well lookin forward to this one, me first derby.

Awesome
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Offline Spartacus.

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #4 on: January 26, 2004, 01:01:38 pm »
hmmm great when you win but very hard to lose this game, no going home to lick your wounds when you live with blue and reds alike  :-\
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Offline Kirsty

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2004, 01:09:34 pm »
Can't stand the thought of losing a derby  >:(

Absolutely love it when we win, apart from when the usual crowd of dick head bitters start kicking off in the home stands.  If any of 'em get in me way this time I'll set Wooly on 'em!  :no

Offline Zach

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #6 on: January 26, 2004, 01:23:40 pm »
The derby is the most important game of the season, nothing comes close.

I was absolutely gutted when we lost to the mancs, but I hate to think about how I'd feel if we lost to the SHITE.

Offline DaveLFC

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Re: "The Woodentops from Woodison"
« Reply #7 on: January 26, 2004, 01:42:25 pm »
Hot some nails on some heads there Wooly!
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Offline wosman

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Re: The Woodentops from Woodison
« Reply #8 on: January 27, 2004, 10:25:54 am »
This derby is on me birthday, i cannot think about failure!

come on red men!

Offline Murf

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Re: The Woodentops from Woodison
« Reply #9 on: January 27, 2004, 10:59:32 am »
In my time,against man u
I have seen us lose two F.A Cup finals
Watch them do that treble,and now have accepted that.
And that was bad.
But the thought of them bitters,even
coming close,turns my stomache,so this Saturday,no holding back and lets hammer
these,bitter blue *****

CUM ON YOU MIGHTY REDS
« Last Edit: January 27, 2004, 11:27:49 am by Rushian »
never forget the 96....... justice   www.contrast.org/hillsborough

NO GAME ON APRIL THE 15th please write to

Rick Parry
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Liverpool Football Club
Anfield Road
Liverpool
L4 0TH

Offline IrishRed

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Re: The Woodentops from Woodison
« Reply #10 on: January 27, 2004, 02:00:48 pm »
cracking post Karl

stomach doing knots there reading that - nervous laughter and all....

i always know its derby time when i make up with 'Fields of Anfield Road' or 'Scouser Tommy' going round my head

can't wait for saturday - but the excitement is mixed with the nerves.  can't bear to think if we don't perform.  the lads need to be up for this and i'm sure Stevie, Carra et al will be letting the lads know just how crucial this is.  they've had a taster - but bitters at Anfield - must win, simple as that.

i'm far removed from any bitters now and i do miss that aspect.  you get the odd one who has a slight feeling for that shower cause of walter smith or some other reject.  but you can hardly get much of a debate with someone whose knowledge is limited to team name, colour and naming two players.  but i suppose thats what happens when you move out of the Merseyside area.  noone has much feeling for bitters.  noone supports them but then again, noone really dislikes them - after all they just plod on, trying to get a decent result or two against the big boys.  if they string a few results together they're over the moon.  lose a few and its just normal for them.  god, how awful it must be to be a blue.  not even being the best in your city never mind the country.  christ, any wonder shrek is so big - all that comfort eating after another shite result for the bitters.  no much wonder duncan is injured so much - well would u want to play for that shower

 ::)  ;)


same old blueshite
always bitter


theres a thread on the main forum called 'can we keep it up' - got some wee tunes in there especially for our bitter friends......  ;)


C'Mon Reds
LFC SHOULD NEVER PLAY ON THE 15TH APRIL, NOT THIS YEAR, NEXT YEAR OR ANY OTHER YEAR

Justice

Offline WOOLTONIAN

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Re: The Woodentops from Woodison
« Reply #11 on: January 31, 2004, 06:24:21 am »
Richard
hope you enjoy the game.

I never have, until the final whistle goes.
I've seen two 5-0's in my time, lets hope for another Saturday.

I'll be watchin the game with Lynn and a few mates, live in a local pub.
I hope we're both happy at 5pm
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